First of all, yay you’re engaged!!!! Congratulations!
And now take a big breath! It can feel like there is so much to plan from the engagement party to the bridal party, and that’s not including the wedding.
Firstly, remember that this is your and your partner’s special time and ultimately you should be deciding how you want to plan things. Consider other people’s ideas, yes, but don’t get swept away with someone else’s vision of the perfect way to do things.
Before we get on to engagement party etiquette let’s talk about how to go about planning an engagement party.
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HOW TO PLAN AN ENGAGEMENT PARTY
Decide Who Will Host/Plan
There’s nothing wrong with throwing your own engagement party and many brides and grooms do just that. But of course, if someone close to you offers to host, and you feel comfortable with that, then that’s an option too.
Pick a Date
You may want to send some save-the-dates to get an idea if this will generally be a good date for most people to attend.
Choose a Venue
Whether you decide to host your engagement party at home or have it at another venue make sure that its not too rowdy. This may well be the first time many of your guests are meeting for the first time so it should be somewhere where it will be comfortable for people to chat and mingle.
Engagement party ideas at home:
- Garden party
- Afternoon tea
- BBQ
Decide On a Theme
Pick a colour scheme or theme that may, or may not, be related to your wedding. Decorate (more on that later) using this theme for a cohesive look.
Create a Guest List
Decide who you want to be at your engagement party. Bear in mind that those who are invited to the engagement party should also be invited to the wedding.
Send Out The Invites
Leave enough time for the invitations to get there. Send them as soon as you can to allow people to make the necessary arrangements. Use your theme to design the invitations and give guests a glimpse of what they can expect at the party.
Plan The Food/Drink
Take the easy route and get the whole thing catered or just create a simple menu. If you are hosting the party yourself choose options that don’t take you away from your guests for too long. They are there for you after all. Make sure that you ask about any allergies beforehand and prepare, and serve, special dishes separately.
Plan The Entertainment
You don’t need to go overboard with the entertainment and it’s not strictly necessary at all. You may just want your engagement party to consist of food, chat, speeches, and toasts. And that’s just fine. But you may want to add some things to help people loosen up and feel more comfortable. Think along the lines of some simple party games you could add or activities to break up the day.
Plan The Timeline
Decide how long you want your engagement party to last. You can have it as short, or as long, as you like. But plan the timing of the day so that things run smoothly. Think about:
- Arrival time
- Food
- Entertainment
- Speeches
- Toasts
- Time for guests to leave
You could create an itinerary for the guests when they arrive so that they know what to expect from the party. I’m one of those people that feel soooo much more comfortable if I know what to expect. And this helps avoid the stragglers hanging around when you want to clear up! Ahem, I can’t say that’s ever been me….
Get The Outfit
Depending on whether you choose a casual or formal theme, this will determine what you want to wear. The only rule is to make sure that you feel comfortable in your outfit.
Get Hair and Nails Done
Obviously, this isn’t mandatory. But if you want to get your hair and nails done then leave enough time to have it done professionally, or for you to style your own hair.
Decorate
Make the place fit for a party with some of the following fun ideas:
- Happy engagement posters
- Fun facts about the happy couple (how you met etc)
- Photos (both recent and childhood pics)
- Bunting
- Guest book and sign so your guests can leave well wishes
- Table with favours for the guests to take home
- Decorate the tables with handmade centrepieces, table mats and personalised name signs
Host The Party
Enjoy the party. Make introductions and help your guests to mingle if they have never met before. Ensure there is plenty of food to go around.
Clear Up
Hopefully, you have some help here, but if not, put on some tunes or a podcast and clear up before bed. When you wake up you want to enjoy the memories of the party the night before not do mountains of washing up.
Treat Yourself
Have a nice breakfast to look forward to the next morning. While enjoyable, these things are big events and they take a lot of planning. They can be stressful to organise and even attend. There may also have been some awkward moments especially if you don’t know a lot of your partner’s family. Speaking of engagement party etiquette…
ENGAGEMENT PARTY ETIQUETTE FAQS
What Happens At An Engagement Party?
Speeches, toasts and a general celebration of the couple. Typically, a relaxed and casual affair. You can add entertainment and games if you want.
How Soon Do You Plan An Engagement Party?
You can start planning your engagement party as soon as you get the ring! An engagement party is usually held within a few months of getting engaged. This allows plenty of time to have any other pre-wedding events (like the hen party/bachelorette party) before the wedding.
Who Gives Speeches At An Engagement Party?
The most common speeches at an engagement party are from the hosts, the parents and members of the bridal party. Arrange the speeches in advance so that no one feels stuck on the spot for what to say on the day. No one likes being caught off guard. You can then invite any impromptu speeches on the day if necessary.
Who Pays For An Engagement Party?
Typically engagement party etiquette suggests the host pays for the engagement party. In most cases that’s the bride and groom. If someone else does offer to host, double-check everything beforehand to avoid disappointment later!
How Many Guests Are Needed For An Engagement Party
You don’t need a minimum number of guests to celebrate your engagement party. It’s not about how many people are there but how much you value those people. Whether you want a big bash with a hundred guests or a quiet meal with a few close pals, do it your way.
Who To Invite?
One of the first things you think of when considering engagement party etiquette is who to invite. Invite people who you want to celebrate your engagement with. Remember that those who are invited to the wedding should also be invited to your engagement party. And vice versa.
Do You Send Thank You Notes?
It is deemed polite to send thank you notes to your guests. Some may have travelled quite some distance to attend, and you should acknowledge that. It goes without saying that if someone has sent you a gift you should send a thank you note.
Are Gifts Necessary?
It can be so awkward wondering whether you need to get a gift for pre-wedding events. Gifts are not usually required at engagement parties though. To take the guesswork out of gift-giving add a note onto the invitations to say no gifts are required.
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Do You Even Need An Engagement Party?
Well, no. You don’t if you don’t want one. If you’re having a super small wedding or eloping, you may decide not to bother with an engagement party. Or you may just want to celebrate with a few close friends/relatives. That’s just fine. Don’t feel pressured to have all (or any) of the pre-wedding celebrations.
We’ve covered a lot of dos and don’t when it comes to engagement party etiquette. But let go of the expectation of what you think an engagement party should look like. Start thinking about what you want yours to be like.
This is a one-time (hopefully!) event so it’s better to plan one that you will look back on with happiness than regret.
It doesn’t have to include lots of people, fit a certain social media aesthetic, or be a formal affair. Have fun, enjoy it, and celebrate with people who love and care about you.
Now, onto the wedding planning!
